The Autism Bubble

Entering the Autism Bubble

The word autism comes from Auto- in greek meaning self.. self ism. In fact this is quite opposite to what autism really is - because there is no ‘self’ in it-there is no personality in it- no one building skills, abilities, the SELF. Instead one sees a child who is totally living in a bubble unable to deal with others or build something of himself. The only way to have a relationship with the child is to enter his bubble. Not to prick that bubble, not to make him come out of the bubble- just enter it.

But what does that even mean?

When you enter the bubble, you see what he is for the first time.

You watch how he thinks, understand why he acts the way he does. When you do something to help him, you do it as team work, as a facilitator.

This bubble welcomes all compassionate non-violent people. It gives space to all, it is cooperative living.

There is no anger in this bubble only joy.  There are no comparisons, no anxiety, no jealousies. There is no getting somewhere in it either. Its living without time. There are only moments in this world.

Its a world of peace and harmony of love and companionship. 

You are a parent/ sibling/friend/ relative.

Can you enter this bubble? 

Watch what happens when you try to pull this child out of his bubble- push him to compete, push him to establish a ‘self’ to be ‘better’.. he is full of fear- he is in a world he doesn’t know or understand.  He doesn’t understand sarcasm, contempt, shrewdness.He has no tools, no weapons to deal with the world.

Throughout the last half century since autism was discovered, method after method has been invented to break the autism bubble. For what?

‘It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. ‘Jiddu Krishnamurti

Yet, it is all we are doing.

Its time we heal ourselves to enter and live in the autism bubble.

A perspective on special needs.

What if you had a life in which it was ok not to be ambitious, it was ok, to not have to earn money, it was ok, to not have to have a career, in fact it was ok to be dependant on others to survive. 

Welcome to the world of the special mother, for no one is going to judge a special mother if she doesnt have a career, cannot earn or has to depend on her spouse or family for survival! 

Throughout the known human history, mankind has been told from childhood that all that matters is to be ‘independent’.

Suddenly we enter a world or rather a child enters our lives which makes this concept quite impossible. 

So far it was not considered such a great life- this life of dependance - hey but if you didnt have work to earn, but could work to enjoy, if you were no longer compared to anyone, but lived on your own terms and you had people around you, who actually felt grateful for your existence, who is complaining?

Perhaps this is a new way of being. Perhaps nature has gotten tired of all the self achievers, the  climbers, the ‘go- getters’. It has developed a species of people who are not ‘getting’ anywhere. They just be. They enjoy the earth, its beauty, and everything on it.

Tom Chi- an astrophysicist in his ted talk ‘ Everything is connected’ talks about the ‘Palette of Being’  where every invention created a new pattern of thinking of the mind. A new color in the palette of thinking.In his talk, Tom says  how intricate the mental process of playing the piano is- coordinating the fingers, eyes, foot and complex musical code . Something which the minds of pianists have mastered today but before the 17th century didnt exist. As thats when the piano was invented.

Tom says every new invention of man has created new patterns of thought. We of course see that in the proficient-way we use  our phones today. I am proud to say i typed this talk on my phone in ten minutes!  

I would like to suggest that not only do inventions, new ideas, new creative efforts as Tom says, change human thinking- new kinds human beings themselves create thought paradigms.

So what am saying to all special mothers is, that dont go by whatever has been said about how a child should be or what parenting should be. This is a child so unique and one of its kind that defies all notions of whats is to be expected in the human life, so now you have a life of experiment and if you succeed you can show that this dependant way of living is just as great. Its dependant on one thing which is not ever going away- the beauty of the earth, the skies, the sun and the stars. 

In Tom’s talk, he says 3 billion years ago, there was no oxygen in our atmosphere. We had abundant nitrogen and carbon dioxide. Then among the first uni- cellular  bacteria,  the cyano bacteria developed, which absorbed carbon dioxide and released oxygen, and slowly filled the earth land and water with oxygen forming the ozone layer and about 9 million years ago the earth developed mammalian life. Think of the cyano bacteria, Tom says- if they thought what is the use of their lives? What good had they achieved? Would they know that a few million years later thanks to them the earth would have so many species? That each cyano bacteria was creating an astonishing future. 

The same is happening today. We are the cyano bacteria that will create a different future for humanity. We have uniquely dependant children, our lives are different, our thinking has to be different. Can we create our very own unique shade of color of being completely new? 

Decifering the #metoo movement.

Decifering the #metoo movement.

Its about abuse of power. 

Power over a public transport traveller, who you have the opportunity to touch inappropriately several times.

Power over a subordinate employee whose back you lean over and touch her hands/thighs unnecessarily.

Power over a child who has come to you with a complaint.

Power over any person who cannot speak up for violating her/his personal space.

And what is that personal space-

That space is the very body of that person.

Don’t brush past a person without apologizing. Don’t display your body, if you sense the other is uncomfortable. 

How do you sense that?

Just watch, there will be signs.

Withdraw unwanted attention.

Respect EVERYONE.

Man, Woman, Child.

Help everyone.

Care for who you are and who the other is.

If you are a parent, you have power.

If you are an employer, you have power,

If you are an employee, you still have power, coz you may also employ someone to do the jobs, you don’t want to do.

You all have power over someone today. 

Be careful not to abuse that power. Use that power to help, to reduce the other’s difficulties. 

Use your power in a manner that helps you to feel good about who YOU are.

The #metoo movement is understanding power.

Was i ever abused... so many many times.

Will i now speak up, if it happens again?

Yes of course.

Do i want justice for all those who did it? 

No, because I don’t want retributive action. Because i know, they will be punished. I don’t want to know how.

What I want is for my daughter to feel she has the power to say ‘Back off’. I want her to know, i will believe her, if she tells me a story of abuse.

I want her to feel the strength that comes from standing tall and straight without a blemish to one’s character. 

My clothes, my body, these are mine, only mine. No one has any right over them, without my ‘yes’.

No means no.

I embrace the #metoo movement for the  equality of women and men. Irrespective of class, caste, and age.

Be the person, you want others to be.